Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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