I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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