Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize