Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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