I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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