Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
