margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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