M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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