Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize