Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
birth control should be required to get into college
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
