Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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