At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
