so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
