so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
