You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
