ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize