Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
