I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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