and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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