it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
