my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
