That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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