What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
