Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
