Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
