$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
