this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
