Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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