the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize