I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
