This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize