Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
