If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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