she smelled like a LAN party
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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