sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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