Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
