I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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