So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
