meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
