I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
