I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
