It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
