you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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