My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
