I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
