Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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