I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
