You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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