Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
