I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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