dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
