Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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