Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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