I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
