I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
