I like to think it a success when the cops are called
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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