Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
