Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
