I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
