fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
