I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
