why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
