And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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