pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
