yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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