Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
