I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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