well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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